OUTSOURCING OF JOBS REACHES THE PRESIDENT

OUTSOURCING OF JOBS REACHES THE PRESIDENT by Staff Reporter Melynda JillWashington DC
Congress today announced that the Office of President of theUnited States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save not only asignificant portion of the President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should besignificant" stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash).Reynolds, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office), has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect toremain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cashoutlay," Reynolds noted.Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

SanjiGurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming theOffice of President of the United States as of July 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were vacationingat Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receivea salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or otherbenefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference betweenthe US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices ofthe US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Expresscall center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excitedabout this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fullyaware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should notbe a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him torespond effectively to most topics of concern.

Using this tree, he canaddress common concerns without having to understand the underlying issuesat all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the Spokesperson. "Mr.Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Bush will receive health overage, expenses, and salary until his finalday of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligiblefor $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will notbe eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment benefits will exceed theallowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a newposition due to limited practical work experience. One possibility isre-enlistment in the Army National Guard. Should he choose this option, hewould likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluableknowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport nonsmokingterminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm receptionfrom local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of hisarrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.