Sunday, June 17, 2007

Take a Break with these PJs

The Best way to Escape from a Problem is to Solve it"


Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.


Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.



A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"



Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....



A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR



Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "




A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.



Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"



Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.



Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!

Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".


Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"


A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"



Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"



A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"


A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). " The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"


Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!



Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........


Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Wife : What If I Die?

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "****."

Blonde at the Library

An angered blonde woman enters a library and rushes towards the librarian desk, she slams the book on the desk and then shouts:
-This is the worst book I've ever read, it has way too many characters and absolutly no plot!
The librarian stares at the woman, then calmy remarks:
-Oh, so you're the one who took our phone book.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips

If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook) to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa............. !!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week's newspaper. 1
2. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old.
20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap. And if you are still getting bored.........................then
22. Fwd this blog link to everyone u know ....

Friday, June 16, 2006

conversations between help desk people and their customers.

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.
Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

F1 Jokes...

1. After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew and
hire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in the pit lane.
The first race came along and the car came into the pits. The youths went to work but the
McLaren team boss noticed a real problem.

Not only had the youths replaced all four wheels within four seconds, but within 10 seconds,
they'd re-sprayed and re-numbered the car and sold it to the Ferrari Team!


2. Schumi and DC are in a desert. Evening comes, they set up their tent. Both go to sleep. DC
wakes up in the middle of the night. Schumi isn't in the tent. He can hear something coming
from outside the tent. DC peeps out and sees Schumi running around the tent like crazy, a
big lion after him...
DC: Run faster, he's gonna catch you!
Schumi: Don't worry, I lead by three laps...

3. 'Michael Schumachers wife says she doesn't want Turkey for Christmas this year, so he's going to buy her Denmark instead

Monday, May 01, 2006

Union of Road Construction Workers

The supervisor for the Union of Road Construction Workers called the meeting to order.

"Men - we've agreed on a new deal with the state. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!"

"HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered.

"We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!"

"HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared.
"We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!"

"HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered.

"And now, even though 90% of the roads in the country are in bad shape, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!"

Silence.

A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

100 Interesting Science Facts

1/ The speed of light is generally rounded down to 186,000 miles per second. In exact terms it is 299,792,458 m/s (metres per second - that is equal to 186,287.49 miles per second).
2/ It takes 8 minutes 17 seconds for light to travel from the Sun's surface to the Earth.
3/ October 12th, 1999 was declared "The Day of Six Billion" based on United Nations projections.
4/ 10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.
5/ The Earth spins at 1,000 mph but it travels through space at an incredible 67,000 mph.
6/ Every year over one million earthquakes shake the Earth.
7/ When Krakatoa erupted in 1883, its force was so great it could be heard 4,800 kilometres away in Australia.
8/ The largest ever hailstone weighed over 1kg and fell in Bangladesh in 1986.
9/ Every second around 100 lightning bolts strike the Earth.
10/ Every year lightning kills 1000 people.
11/ In October 1999 an Iceberg the size of London broke free from the Antarctic ice shelf .
12/ If you could drive your car straight up you would arrive in space in just over an hour.
13/ Human tapeworms can grow up to 22.9m.
14/ The Earth is 4.56 billion years old...the same age as the Moon and the Sun.
15/ The dinosaurs became extinct before the Rockies or the Alps were formed.
16/ Female black widow spiders eat their males after mating.
17/ When a flea jumps, the rate of acceleration is 20 times that of the space shuttle during launch.
18/ -------
19/ If our Sun were just inch in diameter, the nearest star would be 445 miles away.
20/ The Australian billygoat plum contains 100 times more vitamin C than an orange.
21/ Astronauts cannot belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.
22/ The air at the summit of Mount Everest, 29,029 feet is only a third as thick as the air at sea level.
23/ One million, million, million, million, millionth of a second after the Big Bang the Universe was the size of a ...pea.
24/ DNA was first discovered in 1869 by Swiss Friedrich Mieschler.
25/ The molecular structure of DNA was first determined by Watson and Crick in 1953.
26/ The first synthetic human chromosome was constructed by US scientists in 1997.
27/ The thermometer was invented in 1607 by Galileo.
28/ Englishman Roger Bacon invented the magnifying glass in 1250.
29/ Alfred Nobel invented dynamite in 1866.
30/ Wilhelm Rontgen won the first Nobel Prize for physics for discovering X-rays in 1895.
31/ The tallest tree ever was an Australian eucalyptus - In 1872 it was measured at 435 feet tall.
32/ Christian Barnard performed the first heart transplant in 1967 - the patient lived for 18 days.
33/ The wingspan of a Boeing 747 is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
34/ An electric eel can produce a shock of up to 650 volts.
35/ 'Wireless' communications took a giant leap forward in 1962 with the launch of Telstar, the first satellite capable of relaying telephone and satellite TV signals.
36/ The earliest wine makers lived in Egypt around 2300 BC.
37/ The Ebola virus kills 4 out of every 5 humans it infects.
38/ In 5 billion years the Sun will run out of fuel and turn into a Red Giant.
39/ Giraffes often sleep for only 20 minutes in any 24 hours. They may sleep up to 2 hours (in spurts - not all at once), but this is rare. They never lie down.
40/ A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
41/ Without its lining of mucus your stomach would digest itself.
42/ Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas have 14 and crayfish have 200.
43/ There are 60,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body.
44/ An individual blood cell takes about 60 seconds to make a complete circuit of the body.
45/ Utopia ia a large, smooth lying area of Mars.
46/ On the day that Alexander Graham Bell was buried the entire US telephone system was shut down for 1 minute in tribute.
47/ The low frequency call of the humpback whale is the loudest noise made by a living creature.
48/ The call of the humpback whale is louder than Concorde and can be heard from 500 miles away.
49/ A quarter of the world's plants are threatened with extinction by the year 2010.
50/ Each person sheds 40lbs of skin in his or her lifetime.
51/ At 15 inches the eyes of giant squids are the largest on the planet.
52/ The largest galexies contain a million, million stars.
53/ The Universe contains over 100 billion galaxies.
54/ Wounds infested with maggots heal quickly and without spread of gangrene or other infection.
55/ More germs are transferred shaking hands than kissing.
56/ The longest glacier in Antarctica, the Almbert glacier, is 250 miles long and 40 miles wide.
57/ The fastest speed a falling raindrop can hit you is 18mph.
58/ A healthy person has 6,000 million, million, million haemoglobin molecules.
59/ A salmon-rich, low cholesterol diet means that Inuits rarely suffer from heart disease.
60/ Inbreeding causes 3 out of every 10 Dalmation dogs to suffer from hearing disability.
61/ The world's smallest winged insect, the Tanzanian parasitic wasp, is smaller than the eye of a housefly.
62/ If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and the Earth would be as small as a pea.
63/ It would take over an hour for a heavy object to sink 6.7 miles down to the deepest part of the ocean.
64/ There are more living organisms on the skin of each human than there are humans on the surface of the earth.
65/ The grey whale migrates 12,500 miles from the Artic to Mexico and back every year.
66/ Each rubber molecule is made of 65,000 individual atoms.
67/ Around a million, billion neutrinos from the Sun will pass through your body while you read this sentence.
68/...and now they are already past the Moon.
69/ Quasars emit more energy than 100 giant galaxies.
70/ Quasars are the most distant objects in the Universe.
71/ The saturn V rocket which carried man to the Moon develops power equivalent to fifty 747 jumbo jets.
72/ Koalas sleep an average of 22 hours a day, two hours more than the sloth.
73/ Light would take .13 seconds to travel around the Earth.
74/ Males produce one thousand sperm cells each second - 86 million each day.
75/ Neutron stars are so dense that a teaspoonful would weigh more than all the people on Earth.
76/ One in every 2000 babies is born with a tooth.
77/ Every hour the Universe expands by a billion miles in all directions.
78/ Somewhere in the flicker of a badly tuned TV set is the background radiation from the Big Bang.
79/ Even travelling at the speed of light it would take 2 million years to reach the nearest large galaxy, Andromeda. 80/ The temperature in Antarctica plummets as low as -35 degrees celsius.
81/ At over 2000 kilometres long The Great Barrier Reef is the largest living structure on Earth.
82/ A thimbleful of a neutron star would weigh over 100 million tons.
83/ The risk of being struck by a falling meteorite for a human is one occurence every 9,300 years.
84/ The driest inhabited place in the world is Aswan, Egypt where the annual average rainfall is .02 inches.
85/ The deepest part of any ocean in the world is the Mariana trench in the Pacific with a depth of 35,797 feet.
86/ The largest meteorite craters in the world are in Sudbury, Ontario, canada and in Vredefort, South Africa.
87/ The largest desert in the world, the Sahara, is 3,500,000 square miles.
88/ The largest dinosaur ever discovered was Seismosaurus who was over 100 feet long and weighed up to 80 tonnes.
89/ The African Elephant gestates for 22 months.
90/ The short-nosed Bandicoot has a gestation period of only 12 days.
91/ The mortality rate if bitten by a Black Mamba snake is over 95%.
92/ In the 14th century the Black Death killed 75,000,000 people. It was carried by fleas on the black rat.
93/ A dog's sense of smell is 1,000 times more sensitive than a humans.
94/ A typical hurricane produces the energy equivalent to 8,000 one megaton bombs.
95/ 90% of those who die from hurricanes die from drowning.
96/ To escape the Earth's gravity a rocket need to travel at 7 miles a second.
97/ If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill an Olympic sized swimming pool.
98/ Microbial life can survive on the cooling rods of a nuclear reactor.
99/ Micro-organisms have been brought back to life after being frozen in perma-frost for three million years.
100/ Our oldest radio broadcasts of the 1930s have already travelled past 100,000 stars.
_________________
I used to be crazy... BUT I'M ALL RIGHT NOW !!!

Great Reasons To Be A Guy

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £10 for a three-pack. I
f you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - £2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 quid.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Gas (at either end) is cool.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.

symtoms to say that you are Addicted To The Internet

1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!"
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ......instead of ICU!
5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer.
7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.
8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
18. You say......."Where did the time go??"
19. You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee. 21. .....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
22. Your shoes are suddenly 2 sizes too small.
23. You think faster than the computer. <----Not difficult for me
24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ** kisses**.
25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
26. You're on the phone and say BRB.
27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL ASAP".
29. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
30. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.
31. what is next thing to blogging.. second wife...

if you don't think like this.... then you r not a programmer.

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN <-------- The information went data way --------> Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
E Pluribus Modem ... File not found.
Should I fake it? (Y/N) Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
Does fuzzy logic tickle? A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. Press -- to continue ... Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached.
Press F1 to continue. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~" Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Read my chips: No new upgrades! Hit any user to continue. 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!! I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backup not found:
(A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (A)bort, (R)etry,
(T)ake down entire network? (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer? If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.