Friday, July 30, 2004

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son
Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son   : "I  want to choose my own bride".

 Laloo : "But the girl  is Ambani's daughter."
Son   : "Well, in that  case...... Yes"
Next day Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani Laloo : "I have a husband  for your daughter." Ambani : "But my daughter is too  young to marry."
 Laloo : "But this young man is a  vice-president of the World Bank."
 Ambani : "Ah, in  that case.....Yes" Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank. Laloo :"I  have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I  need."

Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."

President : "Ah, in that  case.......Yes." This is how business is  done!!!

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below.  
He lowers the balloonfurther and shouts, 'Excuse  me, can you help me? I  promised my friendIwould meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know  where I am.'
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon,hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are  between 40 and42 degrees North  latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees  Westlongitude.
''You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically  correct, but I have no idea what to make of yourinformation, and the fact is I am still  lost.'

The man below says, 'You must be a project manager',
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or whereyou are  going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how tokeep,and you expect me to solve your problem.'

A MBA and a CA on a Camping Trip

A MBA and a CA go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the CA wakes his MBA friend. " look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars.""What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute."Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
 
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"


The CA is silent for a moment, then speaks."Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Steven Spielberg Joke at a bar

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, andasks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied,"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese"."Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same."

Thursday, July 29, 2004

How Americans Pick their President

This November, the Americans pick their President, but until then, lets groom their President.
Follow the link Below:
Use the pop-up menus to change Mr. Bush's face.

http://homepage.mac.com/krousen/Bush%20site/index.html

Bollywood Stars

"DO not cry if the SUN sets at the end of the DAY, Otherwise the TEARS will not let you ENJOY the beauty of the STARS"

What a True Prediction from an Indian Astrologer

Long ago an astrologer told me, "Son, one day in the distant future, young
and beautiful girls will offer you lots of money...

 
Today, his prediction has come True. I am flooded with young TeleMarketing girls offering me car loans and credit card offers.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Moleosophy

The study of moles is called Moleosophy.

The location of a mole, its size, shape and colour can be interpreted as indicators of your character, as well as generalities for the future. Twin moles could have yet another connotation.
Moleosophy, when co-related with interpretations of other psychic sciences, substantiates personality and character readings, and provides a complete view of the subject.

Location :       Interpretation 

Arms    Moles on the arms indicate that the person is polite, diligent and will lead a happy married life.If mole is near the elbow, the man will need to struggle in life, and might also become a young widower. If the woman has the same characteristics, however, her problems relate to her occupation.  
Armpits A mole under the left arm is indicative of great struggle early in life, which is, however, well rewarded. Wealth makes later years equally pleasurable. A mole under the right arm shows that one needs to be alert and cautious in matters of security.      Back    People like this are unreliable, and with them one must ensure that all facts are available before one enters any sort of negotiation for any enterprise.  

Breast  A mole on the right breast is indicative of laziness, which may affect family life. You need to be assertive about your needs to be able to enjoy the love and comfort of the children. A mole on the left breast belongs to active and energetic people, who generally get what they want in life.    

Buttocks        People who have a mole on their buttocks are un-ambitious, and will be reconciled to any mode of living.     

  Cheek           A mole on either cheek indicates a serious and studious person who has no interest in material pleasures.  
    Chin    A mole on either side of the chin is indicative of people who are affectionate and caring. These people adapt easily to any situation. They love travelling and respect the law of the land. They are also dedicated and conscientious workers and willingly accept responsibilities. 
 Ear     People who are born with a mole on their ear are generally considered lucky.   
Elbow           People who have moles on their elbow love to travel. They are adventurous and spirited.
Eye     If the mole is located on the outer corner of the eye, this indicates that the person is honest, reliable and forthright.    
 Eyebrow         If a mole is located on the right eyebrow, it signifies that these people will have a highly active life and will be successful in all ventures.     
  Finger          People who have a mole on any finger turn out to be dishonest and tend to grossly exaggerate. 
 Foot    People with a mole on their foot are easy going and laid back. They need to exercise to stay healthy.  
Forehead        People who have a mole on their forehead will be prosperous and well settled in life.
  Hand    Those people who have a mole on their hand are talented and make a success of their lives.     
Heel    People who possess a mole on their heel make enemies easily and are prone to losing friends.   
Hip     A mole on any part of the hip except the buttocks signifies that these people are contented, resilient and spirited.   
Knee    If you have a mole on your right knee, it implies that you are a friendly person. A mole on the left knee signifies that these people lead an extravagant lifestyle. 
  Lips    People with a mole on their lips always aspire to get ahead in life. 
  Naval   A man who has a mole on his navel will be lucky in life and a woman who has the same desires children.
 Neck    If the mole is on the front of the neck, it signifies unexpected good fortune. If it is on either side of the neck, it indicates an unreasonable temperament. A mole on the back of the neck indicates a person's desire to lead a simple life.

Nipple  If a man has a mole on his nipple, it indicates a fickle nature. If a woman has a mole on her nipple, it indicates that she is striving for social status.     
Nose    A mole on the nose belongs to a person who will be a sincere friend and a hard-working individual.     
Shoulder        A mole on the right shoulder indicates a sensible, industrious individual.     
Wrist   A mole on the wrist indicates that the person is frugal, ingenious and dependable.  

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Can I borrow the dog

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession.

A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

 The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking > with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.

Whose funeral is it?" The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife." The  inquisitive man asked, "What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

 He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?" The man  answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

 A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"

 The man replied "Please join the queue."

Three Wishes from a Frog

    A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She  went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

 The frog said to her,If you release me from this trap,I will grant  you
 three 3 wishes.The woman freed the frog. The frog said,Thank you,   but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your  wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get  ten times more or better!

The woman said,That would be okay.

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the>  world. The frog warned her, You do realize that this wish will also  make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis,  that  women will flock to.

The woman replied, That will be okay because I will be the most  beautiful  woman and he will only have eyes for me. So, KAZAM-she's the most>  beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the  world.  The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the  world and he will be ten times richer than you.
The woman said, That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine. So,  KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

 The frog then inquired about her third wish, .......And she  answered,  I'd like a mild heart attack.

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!  Attention Lady Readers: This is the end of the joke for u. Stop here  and continue feeling better.
 Male Readers, please scroll down
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 
.....> 

 

 
The man had a 10 times milder Heart Attack !!! (:-:)

Moral of the Story : Women are dumb so u can very easily mess with  them!!!

Monday, July 12, 2004

Letter to GOD

A little boy wanted $50 very badly and prayed for
weeks,but nothing happened.



Finally he decided to write God a letter
requesting the $50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to forward it to the President of the United States as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to
send the little boy a $20 bill. The President thought this would
appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.



The little boy was delighted with the $20 bill, and decided to
write a thank you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the White House
in Washington, DC......


and those donkeys deducted $30.00 in taxes"

ARRAY RAMA ARRAY KRISHNA

We all know that the Lord Rama has been adressed by different names like Janakirama, Kalyanarama, Anantharama etc.

Likewise, Krishna have different names like Gopalakrishna, Ananthakrishna etc.

One day, our Ancestors were thinking how to refer to all those names in an easy way.

You all know that our ancestors are pioneer in mathematics. With their mathematical knowledge, they found a concept called ARRAY.

They decided to put all names of Rama in an array called RAMA and all names of Krishna in an array called KRISHNA.

From then on they starting referring them as "ARRAY RAMA ARRAY KRISHNA"

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

S O M E T I M E S

Sometimes...
when you cry...
No one sees your tears.

Sometimes...
When you are in pain...
No one sees your hurt.

Sometimes...
When you are worried...
No one sees your stress.

Sometimes...
When you are happy...
No one sees your smile.
-

-

-

-
But FART!! just ONE time...

And everybody knows!!



Gotcha!!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!

Rephrase your Questions

Jack and Max are walking from religious service.
Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke
while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the
Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks,
"Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest
says, "No, my
son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our
religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the
good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not
surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,
may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly
replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you
ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project
while I'm on vacation? :-)

HouseHold Name - Linux

German supermarket is selling a detergent
under the name "Linux". This
will surely help make Linux a household name.
can u guess what 's the punch
line ?????????
Guess!!!!!!!!!








"Linux will clean your windows" ....

Santa Banta goes Mobile

This is the story of Santa Singh and Banta Singh.
Both of them got bored of using mobiles so


Santa : Boss enough mobile use
Banta: Yes yaar they are taking money from us like anything.
Santa: How we can communicate without mobile yaar.
Banta : Yaar we will keep pigeons and through them we will send our
messages. We will tie our chits to their legs.

So they kept pigeons and Santa Singh first sent one pigeon to Banta
Singh.
The pigeon reached Banta's house but Banta was not able to find any
messages tied.


Banta to Santa : What yaar pigeon reached in time but I was not able to
find the message attached to it.
Santa : Are Yaar That was a missed call I sent to you.