Sardarji and an American

A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York.

The American asks if he would like to play a fungame.

The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay
me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, he (Sardarji) declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to
this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth
to the moon?"

The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5.00
bill, and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "your turn".

The Sardarji asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his
preferences........ no answer.

He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the
Library of Congress... no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no
avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.

The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and
asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the american $5,
and goes back to sleep!

And you thought Sardars were dumb!! :-))

Matrimonial ads for SOFTWARE ENGINEER

Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features
(privileges only for the Specific User especially critical
Functionalities).

There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be
deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build.

She Must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, should be USER FRIENDLY.

We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will
assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer

Women Element Table

A new element has been discovered and placed on the

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden
Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary from 35 - 200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Surface usually covered with thin painted film
Boils at room Temperature
Freezes without any known reason

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances

May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation
in alcohol

Most powerful money reducing agent known to man


COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in bikes and cars
Can be a great aid to relaxation
Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

AVAILABLITY:

Available in wide different forms and varieties
Can be easily seen in all busy areas

POTENTIAL HAZARDS:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands Illegal to posses more than one,
although several can be maintained at different locations as long as
specimens do not come into direct contact with each other

meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE -Without Information Fighting Every time!!!"

Wife replies," No, It means - With Idiot For Ever!!! "

PLAN TO BANKRUPT BILL GATES

1. Bill Gates earns $250 every SECOND, that's about $20 million a DAY
and $7.8 billion a YEAR!

2. If he drops a thousand dollars, he won't even bother to pick it up because in the 4 seconds it takes to pick it up, he would have already earned it back.

3. U.S's national debt is about $5.62 trillion. If Bill Gates wants
to pay he debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.

4. He can donate $15 to everyone on earth and still be left with $5
million for his pocket money.

5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in the U.S. If he doesn't drink and eat, and keep his annual income at $30 million, he'll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates is today.

6. If Bill Gates were a country, he will be the 37th richest country
on earth.

7. If you change all of Bill Gate's money to $1 bills, you can make a
road from earth to moon 14 times back and forth. But you will have to make
that road non-stop for 1400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747
planes to transport all the money.

8. Bill Gates will be 42 this year. If we assume that he still can
live for another 35 years, he has to spend $6.78 million per day to finish his
money before his death.

9. BUT!!! If we theMicrosoft Windows' users claim $1 for every time
their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will go
bankrupt in 3 years.

GOOD PLAN uh!

Indian Hell

A guy dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "



Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil was a software engg, so he swipes the card, comes in, checks his mails and then goes to the
cafeteria..."

Prison Or WORK

IN PRISON	AT WORK
you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.	you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
you get three meals a day (free).	you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.
you get time off for good behavior.	you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.	you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.
you can watch TV and play games.	you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
you get your own toilet.	you have to share.
they allow your family and friends to visit.	you can not even speak to your family and friends.
all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.	You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.	you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Humm?




Which Sounds Better?

GANDHI KEE DHOTI

There was just one cinema theatre in the Village. The village people,though backward were very patriotic.

In fact as a Cinema screen, the owner of the theatre, had installed a khaadi dhoti. The villagers were very happy with the idea of a Khaadi Dhoti screen.

They decided to dedicate the theatre to Mahatma Gandhiji, and named the theatre: "GANDHI KEE DHOTI"

Some of the Up coming films/attractions at "GANDHI KEE DHOTI " cinema hall as advertised in the Local Newspaper were:

• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein KACHHE DHAGE .
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein HAL-CHAL.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Daraar.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Chuppa Rustom .
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Baazigar.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Aandhi.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Garam Hawaa .
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Kuchh Kuchh hota hai.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Josh.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Tera Jadoo Chal Gaaya.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Hera Pheri.
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Nothing to Lose. (english movie)
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Gone inSixtySeconds.(english movie)
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Kucch to hai
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein jurassic park
• Gandhi kee Dhoti mein woh kaun thi !!!

Newton Commits Suicide

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent> > that he went paranoid.
Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is> > cured!

Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.
He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.

Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast! The 'climax' f! inally arrives.

Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide...

OUTSOURCING OF JOBS REACHES THE PRESIDENT

OUTSOURCING OF JOBS REACHES THE PRESIDENT by Staff Reporter Melynda JillWashington DC
Congress today announced that the Office of President of theUnited States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save not only asignificant portion of the President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should besignificant" stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash).Reynolds, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting Office), has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect toremain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cashoutlay," Reynolds noted.Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

SanjiGurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming theOffice of President of the United States as of July 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were vacationingat Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receivea salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or otherbenefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference betweenthe US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices ofthe US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Expresscall center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excitedabout this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fullyaware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should notbe a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him torespond effectively to most topics of concern.

Using this tree, he canaddress common concerns without having to understand the underlying issuesat all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the Spokesperson. "Mr.Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Bush will receive health overage, expenses, and salary until his finalday of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligiblefor $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will notbe eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment benefits will exceed theallowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a newposition due to limited practical work experience. One possibility isre-enlistment in the Army National Guard. Should he choose this option, hewould likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluableknowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport nonsmokingterminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm receptionfrom local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of hisarrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

How policies in Compaines come into Existence

Put eight monkeys in a room.

In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.
Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempts to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

AND THAT'S HOW ANY COMPANY'S POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED.

Types of Women

Types of Women



HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............